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The Madera Tribune

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Opinion: My goodness, look at all the candidates

May 8, 2019

It has become an exercise in futility to try to keep straight all the Democrats who are running for president. Most of them are goofballs trying their hardest to ruin the reputation of the Democrat party, as if those who ran for the office in the last election weren’t quite up to it.

 

• The most recent candidate I have heard of is Vermin Supreme, who wears a large rubber boot as a hat. He also is known for glitter-bombing his opponents whenever he gets the chance.

 

• Another Democrat is Julian Castro, the mayor of San Antonio. He says he will not take money from political action committees, but will source funds from online suckers. He is being called the Latino Obama. Also likely to run is his twin brother Joaquin Castro.

 

• Kamala Harris, the senator from California, is a former California attorney general. Her slogan is “for the People,” which may be the dullest campaign slogan ever uttered. “For the puppies” might be just as effective. She, too, claims she won’t take any PAC money. We’ll see.

 

• Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, D-Hawaii, is the first Hindu elected to Congress. She also is an Iraq War combat veteran, who happened to back Bernie Sanders in 2016. She may not be much of a Congesswoman or candidate, but I salute her for her service to the nation.

 

• Richard Ojeda is a former West Virginia state senator, who lost to a Republican, and decided to run for president instead. Why not? Ojeda is another veteran, who deserves another salute. (Recently he ended his presidential campaign, citing the fact he hasn’t got enough money.)

 

• Rep. John Delaney of Maryland vacated his Congressional job to run for president. He’s running under the slogan, “focusing on the future.”

 

• Andrew Yang, an immigrant from Taiwan, claims to understand the economy, but his first task, he says will be to give every American whose jobs have been taken over by technology $1,000 a month.

 

• Pete Buttigieg is the mayor of Indianapolis and says he is poised to represent the LGBT community. He also is a war veteran who fought in Afghanistan. He also was a Harvard Rhodes scholar.

 

• Former Vice President Joe Biden. Right now, he is considered the front runner by pollsters.

 

• Senators Kirsten Gilliland and Elizabeth Warren have both formed exploratory committees, and appear to be serious candidates.

 

• Others include Beto O’Rourke, Sen. Cory Booker, Sen. Bernie Saunders (probably the leading candidate so far, although with some of the others, he is your basic commie) former Gov. Terry McCauliffe of Virginia, John HIckenlooper of Colorado, Steve Bullock of Montana, L.A. Mayor Eric Garcetti, Sen. Sherrod Brown and Sen. Amy Klobacher.

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