Veep catidate lies in wait for the call

July 14, 2016

All the news media (including this news medium) are speculating on whom Donald Trump will pick to be his running mate. Most of the attention is on Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey and former Georgia Congressman and Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich.


And then there is our cat. Our cat, from whom we lease our house (two bowls of kibble and a little Friskies wet food mixed in every day in rent) is lying low, waiting for the telephone call to summon her to Cleveland.


She already has had her background checked. The vet has assured the GOP that she has had her claws trimmed, and has had all her shots renewed this year. She also has had her bath, so is not shedding as much of her hair as she has in the past. As a result, if she campaigns with Trump, she is not as likely to get as much hair on his nice suits as some of the other candidates might.


She also has been spayed, so she is would not embarrass the candidate by delivering a litter of kittens while he is making a campaign speech on population control.


The cat is still a little overweight this year, as she has been in the past, but not nearly so much as Gov. Christie or former Speaker Gingrich, both of whom have to pay double for their suits because they use twice as much material. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. For example, I happen to be one of those fellows who is testing the strength of his belt, but we haven’t had to widen any doors so I could get into my house.


If Trump were elected, and later decided to fire himself, could the cat govern? That’s always the first question when the choice of a vice presidential candidate is made.


The answer, in this case, is, “absolutely.”


She would curl up under the presidential desk in the Oval Office and go to sleep. A couple of times a day, the White House butler would let her into the garden, where she could do her business, then sneak around, hoping to spot a bluebird to pounce on. (Don’t worry about the bluebirds. Unless the bluebirds in Washington are as stupid as the politicians, they are in no danger from the cat, who likes to think about pouncing, but seldom does it any more.)


The cat would have no problem communicating. If she likes you, she hops into your lap and goes to sleep. If she doesn’t like you, she claws your leg and makes a growling sound. I have a lot of scars on my leg as proof.


Generally she responds to people by ignoring them, which might be her greatest strength. Trump and the cat: What a team.

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