Serving the heart of California since 1892

The Madera Tribune

Some people who should work elsewhere

Most newspaper content here is incomplete. Want it all? Sooner? Subscribe to our full print and online editions by calling (559) 674-4207 and get both for the price of one!

webmaster | 01/11/14

With all the cold weather they’ve been having in the eastern and midwestern parts of the United States, some people are saying that when it comes to global warming, all bets are off. They aren’t ready to declare global cooling yet, because these cold spells have happened in the past, and it could warm up again. But they figure if global warming were all it’s cracked up to be, the East and the Midwest wouldn’t be quite so frozen. 

But what do climate scientists know, after all? Didn’t they predict that the 2013 hurricane season would be a real hum-dinger? And didn’t it turn out to be barely breezy enough to rock a cradle on a tree top?

All the climate scientists should be fired and given jobs writing fortunes in a Chinese cookie factory.

And how about all those economists who predicted that job numbers would shoot up in December? As it turned out, job numbers in December actually went down compared to past months. Maybe we should fire all those economists and let them stand in unemployment lines for awhile before they go back to trying to figure out the economy.

Another batch of geniuses who should be fired are the astronomers and astrophysicists who spend billions sending telescopes into outer space to keep an eye on stars that were blowing up billions of years ago. What do we care what those stars were doing billions of years ago? I want to know what they’re doing right now, just in case it turns out to be interesting.

The astronomers who aren’t fired should just keep their eyes out for asteroids that might hit the earth and they should put the rest of outer space on the back burner. Then if an asteroid is seen coming toward Earth, they can yell “duck.”

That’s because an asteroid is one thing that would change the economy and the climate for sure.


comments powered by Disqus