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The Madera Tribune

Reflections on buying a hat

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webmaster | 11/29/13

I was going through my collection of hats the other day, and wondering whether it was time to go to the store and get a new one. If I do go shopping for a new hat, I think I might take a mirror with me.

One of the things I’ve noticed over the years is that stores that have hats for sale seldom put a mirror nearby so one can look at oneself with the hat on. If you want to see what you look like in a particular hat, you have to walk across the store to the pants department before you can find a mirror. That can be tiresome, because if you want to see how you look in more than one hat, you have to keep going back and forth between the mirror and the hat shelf.

You may wonder why one doesn’t just carry several hats at once so one doesn’t have to keep going back and forth. It’s probably because one has the distinct feeling that two large men are watching one on a television set in a little room on the second story of the store.

“Watch this one,” you can almost hear one saying to the other. “He looks like a hat thief to me. Why else would he be carrying so many hats? Watch him. I’ll bet you he tries to wear one of them out the door, maybe wearing even more than one.”

I’m not a hat thief, of course. I have paid for every one in my closet, except for two which were given as gifts. One of those doesn’t fit, and the other is too tight and gives me a headache.

Anyway, If I had my own mirror, I could see how I looked without having to find a store mirror, but here’s another problem: Those two guys up in the surveillance room probably would think I was stealing the mirror along with the hats. “Look at that mirror thief trying on hats,” I can hear one saying to the other. “Let’s hope he stays away from the tie department.”


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