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The Madera Tribune

A new pill you may want to take

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webmaster | 03/20/14

There was some wonderful news the other day. It seems that the Mars Co. and Pfizer — or it may be Ely Lilly, or Bayer Aspirin — have come up with a wonderful pill. It will be made of chocolate, and will confer all the benefits of chocolate without any of the damages. The damages are well known. They include, but may not be limited to growing fat, getting pimples, ruining one’s teeth and melting in one’s pocket.

This pill — which remains under audit by the United States Food and Drug Administration — would allow one to enjoy chocolate’s well known role as an antioxident without having to stress out over a couple or three new pounds on one’s waist, thighs or behind.

As many of you know, the Mars Co. already makes a chocolate pill. It is marketed under the name of M&Ms, and works very well. I just took a couple this afternoon to relieve a bout of sneezing from hay fever; I took a couple of them this morning when I felt a little headache coming on; and last night I took a couple or three to help me get to sleep. As you can see, M&Ms are very useful pills.

They are pills that need not be swallowed. Rather, one sucks on them for a few seconds to get the full flavor of the candy-coated shell, then chews through the still slightly crunchy shells into the chocolate center to get the full dose of the antioxidents.

One may ask how working in conjunction with makers of medicine could improve on the Mars Co.’s wonderful product, since it already works so well. The answer is, they want to take all the fun out of it. If you had your choice between an aspirin and an M&M, which would you choose. Why, the M&M, of course. They’ve never been able to make aspirin taste good. So, the idea is to squeeze all the good flavor from the M&M and make it taste like raw chocolate.

They might be onto something. Raw chocolate is a little tough to take. Have you ever tried eating a teaspoon of dry cocoa powder. It’s about as close to the delights of raw chocolate as you can get. It isn’t exactly terrible, but it doesn’t come with a tasty outer shell, and it’s anything but buttery, if you get my drift. If they can disguise their new pills as M&Ms, they should do pretty well.


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