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The Madera Tribune

Messing with cats can be dangerous

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webmaster | 07/11/12

The cat at whose house we live is thinking about rounding up some of her buddies and paying Supervisor Tom Wheeler a visit. At Tuesday’s meeting of the Board of Supervisors, Wheeler voted against a measure that among other things would set license fees for cats at $5 each.

He said he was completely against the ordinance. “Cats do not belong to anybody,” he said. “They do not have owners. They own us.”

Then he mentioned that somebody had dumped a couple of cats on his property near North Fork, and implied that there would be no way he would get them licenses.

When our cat heard about this, she laughed. “We don’t need no stinking licenses,” she mumbled. But then she said if we did get her a license, she would like a little pink one.

“And now, enough of this,” she said. “When’s dinner? And make it quick, or I’ll rub hair on your pant leg.”

Wheeler implied that he had gotten in a dispute in the past over the way he dealt with a cat, and he has my sympathy. While a cat has never taken me to court, I have gotten in some trouble for taking the law into my own hands when it came to a feline.

I was a farmer for a few years, and when I moved to the farm, it turned out a couple of cats named Stan and Ollie already lived there. For some reason, I decided they weren’t earning their keep, and I decided to bump them off.

One day, I saw them prowling around on top of a dirt pile. I went in the house, got my .22 rifle, went outside, and took a shot at Stan. I missed, but the bullet hit Ollie, who tipped right over. I went to see if he was dead, but he wasn’t. I had hit him in the hip. He looked at me, and I looked at him, and before you could say meow, I had bundled him in a gunny sack, rushed him to the vet’s office, and $700 later brought him home and nursed him back to health. From then on, he owned me.

So, Supervisor Wheeler, I know we belong to cats, and when it comes to the money we spend on them, a $5 license isn’t even the beginning. But the money will help fund the animal shelter.


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