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The Madera Tribune

The dangers of shopping by drone

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webmaster | 12/03/13
Author(s):, the online book-and-a-whole-lot-of-other-things store, hopes soon to begin making deliveries by drone. You go online, make your purchase of the latest version of “50 Shades of Grey,” and pretty soon a drone comes by and drops it off for you in a plain, brown wrapper.

You still apparently have to go outside and get it, but that small inconvenience pales when compared with the novelty of having a drone pay a call on your house, astonishing the neighbors in the process.

But what if the drone maker inadvertently mixes up its shipment to Amazon with a shipment meant for the Air Force? You could go running outside to grab your book, and instead find yourself looking down the barrel of a missile launcher. Kaboom! There might go your house to smithereens. You would go from eagerly anticipating a good read about bondage/discipline in the bedroom to having the roof of your bedroom blown completely off.

I realize having the drone deliver a missile instead of a book would be highly unusual, but it seemed highly unusual when drones started chasing terrorists around. The terrorists and their families began complaining about it bitterly, and no doubt the would-be book readers also would complain if the drone treated them as terrorists instead of eager readers.

The government also uses drones to spy on people, and who is to say the delivery drone also wouldn’t spy on you as soon as you had picked up “50 Shades of Grey” and started reading. Instead of leaving to make its next delivery, it might hang around, filming you through the window as you underlined the good parts with a pencil.

Then, all the publishers of bondage/discipline books would start sending you offers, and pretty soon your mail box and your email would pile up with them. A drone might even come along and toss a bunch of them in your front yard.

Perhaps it would be best to just buy the book at an actual bookstore and smuggle it home. Then after you’re through with it, you could donate it to the library or the church rummage sale.


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