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The Madera Tribune

The case of the self-absorbed shopper

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webmaster | 12/12/12

One of the things I’ve noticed this year is that whenever I think about Christmas shopping, I wind up thinking about what I would like to buy for myself. To heck with the kids and the others for whom I usually get presents. When I’m out there shoulder-to-shoulder with others, shopping like a pro, it all comes down to me.

The other day I was at Walmart, getting a roll of ribbon, and I thought to myself, “Maybe I should have a look around to see whether I can spot something for Mrs. Doud.” She is hard to buy for, because she already has everything (She’s married to me, isn’t she? All else is commentary.)

Besides, she keeps telling me I need new pants. If I get myself new pants, it would please her to no end, and thus, in a roundabout way, new pants for me would be a gift to her.

Then, I thought, gift-wrapping a pair of pants that were for me and putting the package under the tree labeled for her, might require too much explanation.

I walked past the household appliance department, and was quite impressed. They have lots of nice, new coffee makers, and I have had my eye on one. It is the kind that will make just one cup of coffee at a time — a perfect cup of coffee, too, I might add.

But here is the problem. Mrs. Doud doesn’t drink all that much coffee. And we use a filter cone for what we do make. And it is not half-bad coffee, if I do say so myself. Besides, Mrs. Doud said if I ever brought home another household appliance for her, she would use it to pound me on the head.

I remembered that when I started looking over vacuums. Pondering all this, I headed for the exit, and almost took the ribbon without paying. That was an even closer call than taking home a new coffee maker would have been.


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