The Canadians are having a terrible time because of the National Hockey League lockout.
Their trials include a general sadness, a deep malaise because they can’t watch hockey. They also include considerable financial difficulties for Canada’s saloons. The Canadians apparently don’t want to drink as much as when they are watching hockey. Then, it’s “Pour me another one, eh?”
The Wall Street Journal says if the lockout lasts all season, it could shave 0.1 percent off Canada’s gross domestic product. Sacré bleu!
At this point, you probably are wondering: “What’s hockey?” The best way to describe it: “Hockey is a game in which large men skate violently around a rink, trying, and usually failing, to hit a hard-rubber disk into a net.”
They usually hit one another more often than they do the puck (the name given the disk, although one doesn’t know why). An old saying is, “I went to a hockey fight and a game broke out.”
A lot of Canadians play hockey, and as a result Canada is a great country in which to practice reconstructive dentistry. Hockey players, even those of junior high school age, lose a lot of teeth.
Life for Canadians must be exceptionally boring if they find hockey so interesting.
One of the problems with hockey is one never is sure what’s going on during a game. The puck is about the size of the clay pigeons skeet-shooters use for targets. That makes it hard to see, when it’s surrounded by heavily-padded players on skates. One sees them batting at something, but one is never sure whether they’re after the puck or other players’ feet.
It is said Canadians only drink on two occasions — when alone or with somebody — so there must be something about hockey that makes them want to drink more. Or, maybe booze makes the game seem shorter than it actually is.